Incredible
Saturday 1 November 2008
From Cracked.com
Tobacco-Themed Candy
The Main Offenders:
Candy Cigarettes, Bubble Gum Cigars, Big League Chew
The Good:
Look at you, all grown up! Pretending to use tobacco and emulate the beautiful people like Marilyn Monroe, Pierce Brosnan, and Popeye.
The world has long since pussied-out on the whole "candy carcinogen" thing, but many of us still have fond memories of these from our childhoods. Until we started smoking for real at the age of 12.
The Bad:
Yes you think you look cool, but in reality you're just another poser, kid. That may sound harsh, but if you really thought chewing on the end of a bubble gum cigar would earn you the respect of your friends and strike fear into the hearts of your enemies a la Tony Soprano, you were in for one of those brutal lessons about growing up.
Not to mention that once again the candy makers, confident that the fun shape would carry sales, didn't bother to inject any kind of flavor into any of these. We said the candy necklaces tasted like chalk? We're not completely sure that candy cigarettes weren't actual sticks of chalk.
Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:
Big League Chew and gum cigars were just shaped bubble gum, no harm there. But as for the candy cigarettes ... you know you tried to light that shit.
The Main Offenders:
Candy Cigarettes, Bubble Gum Cigars, Big League Chew
The Good:
Look at you, all grown up! Pretending to use tobacco and emulate the beautiful people like Marilyn Monroe, Pierce Brosnan, and Popeye.
The world has long since pussied-out on the whole "candy carcinogen" thing, but many of us still have fond memories of these from our childhoods. Until we started smoking for real at the age of 12.
The Bad:
Yes you think you look cool, but in reality you're just another poser, kid. That may sound harsh, but if you really thought chewing on the end of a bubble gum cigar would earn you the respect of your friends and strike fear into the hearts of your enemies a la Tony Soprano, you were in for one of those brutal lessons about growing up.
Not to mention that once again the candy makers, confident that the fun shape would carry sales, didn't bother to inject any kind of flavor into any of these. We said the candy necklaces tasted like chalk? We're not completely sure that candy cigarettes weren't actual sticks of chalk.
Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:
Big League Chew and gum cigars were just shaped bubble gum, no harm there. But as for the candy cigarettes ... you know you tried to light that shit.
News of the Weird
Ironies
In September, alleged flasher Patrick Dodenhoff, 39, fled after a report of indecent exposure, and police chased him from Atascadero, Calif., south to Pismo Beach, and finally caught up with and arrested him at a well-known local nude beach. [Monterey County Herald, 9-5-08]
As urban Detroit continues its decline, with an estimated 5,000 residents fleeing annually, it is not just living people who leave. Dead bodies depart, as well, at a rate of 500 a year, according to an August Detroit News report, as relatives unwilling to travel to the crumbling city's cemeteries have their loved ones disinterred and relocated. [Detroit News, 8-12-08]
In September, alleged flasher Patrick Dodenhoff, 39, fled after a report of indecent exposure, and police chased him from Atascadero, Calif., south to Pismo Beach, and finally caught up with and arrested him at a well-known local nude beach. [Monterey County Herald, 9-5-08]
As urban Detroit continues its decline, with an estimated 5,000 residents fleeing annually, it is not just living people who leave. Dead bodies depart, as well, at a rate of 500 a year, according to an August Detroit News report, as relatives unwilling to travel to the crumbling city's cemeteries have their loved ones disinterred and relocated. [Detroit News, 8-12-08]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
